Guide for Impoverished College Students

How can you, a poor struggling college student, make sure your personal hygiene is kept within normal limits? Here are some helpful hints, provided by one who's been there!

Know where the University of Nevada keeps boxes of free books and magazines. Occasionally load up your arms with books, head to the ASUN Bookstore, and with an exasperated voice, ask a cashier for a few bags to put the books into. (This works especially well on rainy days.) Inside each bag, there is a sample of both shampoo and conditioner: Helene Curtis Thermasilk. Are you tired of flat, lifeless hair? The Thermasilk unique Silk Protein formula is heat-activated to amplify your hair while heat styling. Boosts body and fullness. Hair is resilient and manageable. Makes hair shiny, volumized, and full of life after heat styling. Detangles & conditions without weighing hair down.

The less often you take showers, the better. But if you are meticulous in your personal grooming, you can hit the bookstore once in the morning and once in the evening one day a week, getting three bags each time, thus giving you 6 out of 7 days of free shampoo and conditioner.

Some places there are free books and magazines:

o By the Basque sculpture in the foyer of Getchell Library

o Outside of Delamare Library, east end of the entry hall of Mackay (excellent for heavy books)

o By the economics office (excellent for books you won't care about)

o Various places on the floor in different buildings (changes frequently due to obnoxious "fire code violation" plaquards that appear like mushrooms after a rainstorm)

o Top floor of the Downtown Reno Washoe County Library

o Most casino poker rooms


If you have short hair, you are free to wash it pretty much wherever you want to--but look out for motion-sensor bathroom sinks, which will not work unless you can manually override them. The Truckee River is always available to anybody, and you might make some friends while visiting!

If you aren't up to leaving the campus to take a shower, remember that there are many laboratories at UNR, all equipped with chemical emergency showers. Invigorating and thorough, you'll be soaked before you can say "stoichiometry"! Just hop in and pull the handle!

If you are ambitious, you can get many types of personal hygiene supplies free from the Student Health Center.

And when the janitor makes his rounds after hours on campus (usually between 5 and 7), he oftentimes leaves the supply room door wide open. Inside you can find soap, toilet paper, towels, tissue boxes, and even boxes of chalk! Whenever I take advantage of the janitor's supplies, I always help myself to a box of chalk and give it to my favorite professor. He loves it, and it makes me feel good, too!

Harrah's Casino is just down the street, and most of their women's bathrooms provide free hand lotion. It smells great, it's close enough to visit every day, and, best of all, it's free! Don't forget that nearly all restaurants have baskets of handi-wipes, toothpicks, and matches for free. Stock up on the lemon-scented Winner's Moist Towelettes for a refreshing clean feeling anytime, anywhere!

If you are not even lucky enough to find a quarter to buy a maxi pad from the bathroom machines, go to a casino cage and tell them the machine is out of order and you need a maxi pad. (Obviously better if done in advance, before you're bleeding all over yourself!) They will feel so sorry for you having to embarrass yourself that they will get a casino porter or maid to get you as many as you want from the supply closet. If that sounds too embarrassing, just remember that they will be apologizing profusely and sincerely the whole time, and they won't even remember you when you come by next month.

Having problems with armpit odor? Remember that bacteria causes the smell, and alcohol kills bacteria. Where can you find free alcohol? Just cruise the slot section of any casino and look for abandoned cups. They are most likely some alcoholic beverage; don't worry, the waitress has probably already been tipped! If you are in the mood to press your luck, you can go straight to the bathroom, where you may be rewarded with some abandoned cocktail glasses all ready for you to use to disinfect your armpits! You may grow to appreciate the smell of some drinks over others and go looking for those in particular--for instance, a Singapore Sling will help you smell fresh and fruity all day, while a straight-up whiskey will keep your olfactory presence simple and refined.

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Next time: Food and drink on a budget of zero dollars--without soup kitchens!